11 April 2021
(I am sorry I have been so quiet. It has been a busy month, riding never-ending outrages “Roller Coasters.”
But we are still standing.
Here goes…)
Life.
One word that can be described by so many others – with so much detail.
Life.
It starts from conception and ends when your last breath escapes your body.
Throughout our lives, there are moments filled with bliss and sorrow. These moments can be blessings or they can be obstacles disguised as various Goliaths, placed on your path that can build you, or break you…
One thing that is for certain - Those moments inevitably becomes experiences that leads to growth, and transforms you into the person that you will become tomorrow.
During those experiences, when you might find yourself in danger (whether physically, mentally or emotionally), your body’s way to react to it, is to Fight-Flight-Freeze.
“They say it was designed to help us through catastrophic circumstances”
Freeze – when your limbs are too heavy to lift. A feeling of surreal numbness as if you are stuck in a Boomerang moment where you can barely in –or exhale.
When a simple task - to wake up in the morning to brush your teeth or to answer a text message becomes too overwhelming to perform as your entire being is figuring out a way to protect yourself.
Flight – You become Forest Gump and you run! As fast as you can. As quickly as you can.
You do whatever you must to get away from the danger.
Then there is the –
Fighting. Oh my, so much fighting just to survive in this fallen world. Sometimes you fight against an invisible enemy:
Fighting in the Armour of God against the spiritual warfare.
Fighting against Covid, the uncertainty, frustration, isolation, loss of income.
Fighting against Cancer, the trauma, fear, anger, anxiety and pure disbelief.
With everything that we are currently fighting, another gigantic Goliath came storming down our path…
Which leaves me to the first part of the Title of this post:
THE UGLY
31 July 2021 we are going to be without a home – with nowhere to go.
Earlier in February, I have reached out to the landlord and agent from whom I am renting the unit we have been living in for almost two years. In a save complex, walking distance from school and filled often with laughter of children riding their bikes, and popping into each other’s homes to play. A community that became family and a support system.
I have asked the landlord and agent a couple of times in February if we could extend the lease. The last thing that I can add to the list of things that I need to focus on or worry about – is whether we will have a roof over our heads whilst fighting for my son’s life.
We will be in isolation for five weeks – and on return home, he will need a most sterile environment/milieu to recuperate. He needs a home.
In the beginning of March, after not receiving an answer, I contacted the landlord. I also wanted to ask for permission to allow my Mother – to move in with us, as I am battling to do everything on my own and realized that we needed her as much as she needed us.
The landlord confirmed that my Mother could move in with us. He reassured me that he would never just put us out on the street, come 31 July 2021, but could not confirm during that phone call, if we could extend the lease for another two years.
“We can continue on month to month for the rest of the year”, he said.
My Mom gave notice and moved in with me later in March and paid for the relocation.
TWO DAYS after she moved in, I received the email below from the agent:
The Ugliest part of it all:
1. My Mom gave up her security, her home, so that we can be together and help and support each other through this trying and catastrophic times. It was all in vain and lost the money paid to relocated.
2. If they were just honest and upfront with me, especially after the fact that I have asked if we could extend the lease. These are unprecedented times we are currently living in.
a. If only they could have informed me that they have placed their other property in the market and they are planning to move back into the property we are currently living in - I would never have let my mother move in.
b. They unlawfully tried to force us move TWO months before the lease agreement actually ends causing more unnecessarily stress.
c. Knowing in detail my current circumstance regarding my son’s health and all my financial burdens
d. They did this even when knowing we are going to be in isolation in hospital for the stem cell transplant until 14 June 2021 – should everything go according to the plan.
3. I will not be able to apply for a new lease agreement - as
a. I have had no income for the last 13 months – as a result of COVID for months and directly into my son’s diagnoses and frequent hospitalisation.
b. I don’t have funds for 2 months deposit (My two months deposits were allocated to two months of rent - during lockdown last year.)
c. I don’t have funds to pay for relocation cost or for storage.
With our other family living in other provinces, we have nowhere to go and will be homeless on 31 July 2021. Only six weeks after we have come home from the stem cell transplant.
I cannot move away from the the team of specialists that is fighting to save my son's life.
Today whilst I am writing this, I am overwhelmed by the uncertainty of the unknown. It is literally eating me up from inside. I pray and find comfort as I know that fear does not come from God, but I am just human and exhausted. My speedometer is running on “LOW”.
I need your help, please. Being my son’s primary caregiver, and going to be in and out of the hospital until 14 June 2021 (of which the last 5 weeks will be in isolation), I will not be able to work, or generate any form of income.
My company has basically came to a complete halt and I do not know when I will be able to start working again.
Please pray for me, for strength and guidance. There are power in prayers – please do not stop praying. (and when I do give positive feedback – please continue to pray and praise God!)
Please pray with us, to find a new home to live in. A safe home for my son to rest after this daunting fight that still lies ahead of us. Hopefully a long term lease agreement to just provide him with some stability has he already have lost too much.
Please, I am writing to you to ask for your support, because I cannot do this on my own.
No man (or woman) is an island.
You can make a difference as every little bit really goes along way.
You can donate using:
Paypal
Use the email: baileysbuddypaypal@gmail.com or the link below
Or by EFT
Account holder name: Back Baileys Buddy
Account type: Transaction Account
Account number: 15542929349
Bank name: Discovery Bank
Branch code: 679000
If you cannot donate, please know - You can still support us, by sharing this post as far and wide as possible please.
THE BAD
On 17 March 2021, last day of the last chemotherapy with the oncologist.
My son woke up, just refusing to leave his room to go to hospital. He was overcome with all types of emotions. He is only 8 years old, having to deal with situations adults’ battle to manage.
Anxiety took control of his body, and the idea of what is waiting for him, made him nauseated and literally sick.
It was a rough emotional day – the worst we have ever had.
He already had to fight in so many battles in his short life time. Lost so much and losing out on so much more.
Yet - he had learned to fight back – and every time when life knocks him down – he stands tall. That is just what we do.
Although not fair – that is life. We adapt, we grow and we learn daily not to give up but to give it over to Jesus.
I see every day - how much he has changed, and grown into this amazing beautiful soul and wise little man dude.
He is determined to thrive and not just aiming to survive.
We are working now with a therapist, to help with all the overwhelming emotions and exhausting trauma.
The Stem Cell Transplant has begun on 7 April 2021, and I will share more regarding this in another post this week.
Due to everything that happened this month – I had no time to create a video with photos, but will add one to the next post from last chemotherapy to undergoing surgery on 8 April 2021.
Hopefully I will be able to share some good news regarding the medical bills from the week in ICU during February 2021, that I am trying to get the medical aid to pay. The hospital alone was over R 200 000.00 of which there is now a shortfall to be paid. Not to mention the surgeons and the team of specialists that was treating him.
Finally
The Good
I cannot begin to explain my gratitude of the donations that have been made until date.
From friends and family and from strangers whom I have never met.
Thank You is two words that slip out so easily and have lost their meaning, but from the bottom of my heart, my family to yours, in the most genuine and purest form, THANK YOU so very much!!!.
Do you really realize that you have saved us from despair?
Because of You, I had been able to provide for my son up and till now.
Because of You, we were able to still stand to face more and more days to fight this cancer.
When I receive notification of funds received – I just burst into tears and thank God for His divine grace, these blessings and for providing for us. Especially in these times, when billions of people have to face all the consequences of Covid -19.
But it is only when I read the references on the bank statement, that I am filled with serenity:
“Keep on Keeping on”
“With love”
“All the best”
“God will provide”
“Blessings”
“You go Bailey’s Buddy”
“Peace and healing”
“Don’t give up”
“Health in abundance”
“Be blessed”
“Gods miracle work in progress”
“God looks after His children”
“Jesus loves you”
Reading those few words, my Hope growths stronger and I know God defeating each and every Goliath that is trying to break me.
It is knowing that God will never allow the enemy to have full control over our lives – nor does the enemy have the last say.
It is knowing that God is our shelter in this cruel and dark world, and the harder the enemy tries to steal and destroy us, the harder we will continue to fight in His name, with His full Armour of protection, leaving no Goliath standing.
When we are too weak to fight – we pray that evil will remain God’s enemy and that God is in control and He, after all, has the last and final say.
We realise daily, that each morning is an enormous blessing to wake up enjoy each other’s smiles.
I know that I am extremely blessed and so grateful, to still be able to hear his voice and his laughter. We are meeting remarkable people during this journey, whose beautiful child, courageous warriors, have lost their fight against this evil cancer.
These past 7 months have changed me forever. Changed my perception of the past, present and future. I think that I might have become unrecognisable to my loved ones in many ways.
The only constant is change, and whether those moments of change was completed with bliss and sorrow, I find comfort and hope in the fact that I don’t need to – and should not worry about tomorrow and all its unknown, as God is already there.
John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous.
I have overcome the world.”
We are off to the hospital now, my son will be admitted this afternoon for “Step 2” of the stem cell transplant program.
Promise to keep you updated.
May you all have a very blessed week.
Stay safe.
All my love
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